Getting Along With Germans: Culture and Etiquette Tips

Asian buyers and investors meeting Germans for the first time can find it surprising, even a little jarring. But this feeling usually fades after spending some time together. Knowing what to pay attention to from the outset makes things go more smoothly. Germans are generally friendly, but tend to be reserved on first contact.

Within Europe, people from southern countries such as Spain, Italy and Greece tend to be sunnier and more outgoing. Scandinavians and the British tend to be more easygoing and open. Germans and the French, on the other hand, can sometimes be quite particular and guarded — though this depends on the individual’s age, the circumstances of the meeting, and which part of Germany they are in.

City Germans vs. Rural Germans

Germans in big cities are generally more open-minded than those in rural areas, with greater expertise and a greater willingness to use foreign languages. Younger Germans are also more relaxed when meeting foreigners, since they travel often and understand international matters. In cities with a university or that are tourist destinations, you will find Germans who speak English or other languages, and visiting or living in these places tends to be trouble-free — most people there are well prepared for foreigners. But this cannot be generalized across the whole country. Much like German food — be bold, try it, and enjoy it.

Germans Value Their Privacy

So how should you start a conversation with a German you are meeting for the first time? It is not easy, because Germans are not as openly chatty as, say, the British. They tend to be more reserved, and will usually put everything on a mental “watch list” at first. Generally, the best approach is to start with general topics: sport, for instance, is a good icebreaker. In some cultures, people might ask about someone’s family, marital status or other personal matters early on, but in Germany that is a bad idea. These are treated as private questions, and Germans will find them embarrassing — they will usually ignore such questions or give a deliberately vague answer. Asking about someone’s occupation is generally fine, but avoid asking a German about their income on a first meeting, even with someone you already know. That is simply off-limits — a German will only discuss that with a close friend.

Once Germans get to know and trust someone better, they will start sharing personal matters individually. So building a friendship with a German takes a little time, but once formed, it tends to be very honest and stable. Germans also have “lifelong friendships,” which are very close and supportive. The saying “my home is my castle” applies to Germans too. Germans enjoy going out, but personal belongings and everyday life stay at home. So if you are invited to a German’s home, you can be sure you are genuinely welcome — enjoy the privacy of a German home, and respect its house rules.

Germans tend to relax more once inside their own space, since they also feel free to be themselves at home. They will try to make guests feel comfortable and at ease, and you will likely learn more about your host’s personal life — and, naturally, you may be asked about your own situation too, though rest assured it will not go as deep as it might in some other cultures.

What about eating out or having drinks with Germans? In general, Germans pay only for themselves and their partner. If you were invited in advance, you can relax about the bill — sometimes the invitation happens during the meal or drinks itself, and you can accept it or discuss it on the spot. When the bill arrives, Germans rarely argue over who should pay. Germans like splitting the bill separately, and the server usually works out the cost for each couple or pair individually. The whole process can feel stressful, which can seem unusual if you are used to a culture where people compete to pay the whole bill, with one person usually covering everyone. In Germany it is more involved — everyone is asked what they ate and drank. Do not mind the fuss — smile, and pay for your own meal (assuming you remember to).

In other respects, living in a German community is straightforward. Germany has very strict rules on business hours, with most shops closed for much of Sunday. Germans are not especially religious, but the government has little interest in changing this. Germans love their holidays, and that is always a topic you can bring up. Give yourself time to build a good friendship with Germans. Try to understand how they feel about newcomers and foreigners, including their initial doubts — in the end, you will make good friends. I hope this has been helpful.

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